I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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