Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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