She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
