Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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