I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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