the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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