Cold hands, warm shart.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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