i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
