Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
