listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
