I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
