I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
