Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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