the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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