i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize