he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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