She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
