Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
