I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
