Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
