You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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