whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
