I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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