have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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