her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
