So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
