I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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