He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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