Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
