Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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