I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
