i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
