I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
