tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
