is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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