from now on my penis is your penis
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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