I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
