i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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