May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
