i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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