guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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