eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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