the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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