We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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