Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
