i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dear god my vagina.
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