we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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