have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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