You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
