haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
