Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
