Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
