I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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