Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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