I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
