1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
