after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
