but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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