Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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