oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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