my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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