so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
