dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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