i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize