i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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