I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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