Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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