something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
