Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
