she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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