So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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