i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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