took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
