Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
