After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
