she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
