i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So many bounce houses so little time
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
