At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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