he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
