Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
