nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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