Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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