I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
not ubering you a puppy
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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