you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
