wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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