I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize