I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
