question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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