He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
