Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
